Notes from a Time Traveller by Elke Stevens

It’s been six weeks now that I’m back on the Orkney Islands, and I feel the troubled waters of settling in all over again. I’ve had some wins but also a few losses that ripple quietly as if the peace I brought with me was only a tentative guest slipping away too soon. I tell myself that the grounding will return in time, but Orkney’s raw winds seem to stir up pieces of myself I’d nearly forgotten. It’s as though time itself bends here, caught between old rhythms and the strange desire to hold still, just to focus on the simplest of things. Perhaps there’s wisdom in slowing down to seek the essence beneath those desires, stripping it back to its core.

But then again, what meaning does time hold if its measures are only illusions? The stars we watch, these glowing sentinels we admire in the night sky, they’re planets long dead, their lights mere echoes that still find their way to us. A reminder, maybe, that some part of us, too, is chasing things long gone, trying to make sense of the past even as we create a new present.

In some quiet place within, I feel as though I’m carrying an amphora a vessel of guidance, serenity, and hope. Yet, I can’t quite find how to pour it into the cauldron of this new life I’m attempting to shape. The direction I seek hasn’t fully formed, and yet, some part of me senses a manifestation already stirring a blend of confidence and caution, safety and fear, bravery and a subtle trembling at the unknown. Like the magic of alchemy, taking place beneath the surface, giving rise to something old, not unfamiliar.

Rediscovery has its battle, and I feel it, the queen within me, tempered by the trials of old, now guarded, a little more distant. She’s not heartless, but she’s careful, as she remembers too well the moments that hurt and the times when trust faltered. Yet beneath this distance, there’s a glimmer of something new a knight, steadfast, rediscovered. I feel her courage, resilience, and readiness to try again, fuelled not by naïve hope but by will, inspiration, passion and a tempered determination.

So here I stand, both as queen and knight, learning anew the incantation of being faithful. To others, yes, but perhaps most importantly, to myself. This is a moment of choosing not to return to what was, but to carve a path toward something unknown, yet somehow deeply known, as if Orkney’s rugged cliffs are merely reflecting back the bravery, I thought I’d lost.

©️ Elke T.B. Stevens 1/11/2024