Notes from a Time Traveller by Elke Stevens

Having an autistic burnout, and then relapsing into another while still in it, feels like standing outside of life.

Everything is moving.
You can see it, feel it, smell it.
But you are not in it. You are not part of it.

Time keeps passing, but every step forward feels like falling deeper into an abyss.

It is a strange place to exist in. Each day sits just outside the feeling of being alive. It’s not like watching a film. It’s more like standing on a train platform, watching trains rush past one by one. You are waiting, but nothing stops for you. And slowly, you begin to disappear, fading into a kind of non-existence.

And yet, inside the body, the universe is still there.
Thoughts, sensations, inner worlds, myths playing quietly within.

That is what makes it more painful.

Because this experience requires consciousness.
You are aware of the distance.
Aware of the time passing.
Aware that something is out of sync.

Like a time traveller, standing just slightly out of step with the world.

He knows his life is not aligned with everything around him.
And maybe it will realign.
Or maybe it won’t.

That, too, becomes another unfolding of time to witness.

© Elke T.B. Stevens 23/04/2026