Notes from a Time Traveller by Elke Stevens

A little real story, as music plays to guide me, the waiting game has me into contemplation, it’s the strangers that keep me grounded and became my friends.

Here is me, lost, looking for Nessy, at the same time, wondering about the life I want to live, the life I dreamed off, and the life I’m living. Scared to be lonely, and more so to be loved, running from what I can’t see, as I walk a unknown path, not knowing what tomorrow my bring. I wait, wait on news, that is about to arrive at any moment, and as I look out of the mud stained window of the cafe, I can’t do anything else, as be pressed in the moment. Enjoy my food, and glass of wine that was just presented to me.

As today is spent in Thurso, a far out part in the north of Scotland, closer to the Orkney Islands then Glasgow, “very cold”. Then to remember, that three days ago, I was driving up to Ayr, to drop off a dear friend, who’s laughter, still makes me smile, it was probably the best duo ride I ever experienced. What started as two strangers in a car ended up being two friends saying goodbye and till the next time.

I drove, traveled, focused, trying to breathe, as I discovered the difference between my inner idiot and inner child, for I made some hasty decisions, not sure on how this will evolve, I’m set on my own inner guidens, to understand what my next step will be, tapping into the dark, no idea what the results of my decision will be, I take a leap of faith, trusting a stranger to help me. As I wait, on the part I can’t control, I sit, wait, listen, tast, and realized, I can’t undo myself of the impression that I am very present in the moment, why? Because I see, smell, tast, hear, and that every string on the guitar, in the background has a different vibration, I feel it, I hear it, and suddenly I remember my new muse, wondering if everything is becoming more unreal or even more real.

Life, is so real, that I can’t even explain it, for I’m pushed, to be present in the moment, I can’t go back, I can’t stay where I am and I don’t know what the next hour will bring. Past me would have said, I’m stuck in the mud, but I’m not, I just have been given to gift of time and the possibility to see what having faith means. I can only go one step at a time and be very conscious about it, at the end of the day,it is my wellbeing that’s depending on my next step, and it will affect other to.

Do I trust, do I force, do I give it a day or two? A welkom call from my insurance got me a little iterated, I didn’t like her accent, more so it was triggering, I was explaining, I don’t have a great internet connection and that I had to keep my phone line open, evenly she told me to have a call back next week, what a relief! I guess before telling the rest, I’ll give myself a treat, a fresh cup of coffee and a sigaret to get me grounded again.

Then the elevating hour, I get the phone call I’m waiting for, there is still some insecurity on the time table, but before the weekend is arriving I will know my next step and behind the scenes things are moving. Now I can daydream again. Enjoy the rest of my evening, I did my part, now it’s out of my hands.

As I think back at the longest date I ever experienced, I smile, and wonder what it means, if it means anything, but it was amazing, and as nothing in the last 3 days was planned as it went. Go with the flow as gotten a new meaning. This is the silver lining. Thank you for all the kindness I have been receiving. I love you all.

© Elke T.B. Stevens. 16/02/2022